Thursday, February 22, 2001

Weird how seeing the family goes from a way-way-too-much-every-day-type thing to a never-type thing, and will go tonight from never to once-in-a-while. Then back to never. But my dearest little sibling might come live near me, and attend school here, which is not so much "with me" but could be pretty close. That would be rad, considering that it'll probably be the last time in our lives when we live anywhere remotely near each other. Hmm... which is sad and something I'd rather not think about.

It's Thursday. Tomorrow's Friday, payday. Somehow I've made today feel tolerably short. Perhaps the long long conversation with the terminally hip boss helped. We bitched about "weird chic" and other such things.

I was thinking about how cool it would be if I renounced grades and the grading system and pulled myself out of that silly run-around altogether. Mostly I'm just curious about the grade something I've done will earn, but some of my grades I've just not been able to understand, low and high. Like how the hell did that English paper not deserve a D, and how the hell did that History paper not deserve an A? And what importance is any of it anyhow? I suppose I do care about getting into graduate school, which would probably make the grade thing something I should care about. It just seems as though I bust my ass for some things and slack almost to the point of not turning it in on time for others, and none of it seems to actually impact the grade I receive on anything. There is an invisible ceiling of A- on every English paper I've ever written (or almost every one), and I can't seem to get below a B in Philosophy. I suppose that I'm just one of about 20 students in every class (of 25 or so) that get between a B and an A, and I just somewhat arbitrarily coast into one slot or another. It's a weird blind competition.

Waxing prosaic again. Am writing my story, and during the writing of a story, life is so much more interesting, because you're constantly weaving and tweaking things you see or hear into some text that doesn't even exist yet. I should always be writing me a story. It takes a long time, so that wouldn't be too difficult.

Monday, February 19, 2001

How does everyone get through the day without losing it? Bitter resignation to a sucky world and meaningless existence? That's gotta be it...

Wow, am I pathetically stupid. I just realized that the subject line of the e-mail I just sent to my boss was "Last Meeting's Staff Meeting." Fucking marvelous.

Saturday, February 17, 2001

Seriously. Go here.
Saturday. Some of the adjectives accurately describing me at the moment are: sleepy, lethargic, hungry, alone, occasionally dizzy. While those all have negative connotations, none of them are striking me as particularly bad. I'm broke, too, which is kind of bad, but I'm really trying not to think about it. Actually, I won't be broke completely until next month's rent is due. By that time perhaps I will have gotten the enormous paycheck that should be coming. But it's Saturday, and there's nothing to be done about it now, so ah well.
I'm trying to write a story, but I'm quite afraid it's more than completely uninteresting. And it's not even really written yet. So I guess it *can't* suck yet. I don't have to start worrying for another couple days, then. How convenient.

Friday, February 16, 2001

Workin' on me story, yeah yeah, mak-a me so happy, yeah yeah...

Thursday, February 15, 2001

Hey... this is really interesting. Perhaps you should check it out. It's a site dedicated to a campaign against Starbucks, that great chain of caffeine peddlers that's swallowing up all the interesting, unique, neighborhood coffee shops, at least around here. Sounds like the major complaint against them is the use of Mexican growers who are paid wages that would be laughable in the US, as well as minimum wages here, a carefully controlled "experiencing" environment that to some might seem bordering on manipulative, and general corporate power that's had a stranglehold on this country since industrialization. It's a small step to take against the consumerist culture we're steeped in, but perhaps doing something is better than doing nothing.

My preceding paragraph probably sounds familiar, given today's combination of attitudes toward the media (of which the web is a part - it's not lost on me) and the culture in general. I feel I should make it clear, however, that while I think capitalism ends up sucking a LOT, socialism is absolutely no better, and probably even worse. I'm also not in favor of a monarchy, benevolent or otherwise, or any other kind of government. Nor do I endorse anarchy, though I think that would ideally be the "system" (or lack thereof) of choice. Not from where we are now, though. Nope, I have no positive beliefs about what kind of government or economic system would be best. But I *am* thinking about it, which is a lot more than most people seem to be able to say, and if I come up with something, I will let you all know.
As for now, I will settle for being as conscious as possible of my own consumption habits, participating and encouraging participation in such practices as recycling, conservation of commodities, ad analysis, and spreading the awareness of the problems within our current culture.

My philosophical problems with just about everything about pop culture are what have been getting me down recently.

Tuesday, February 13, 2001

My general blogmood recently has been only qualifiable as "terrible." For that I apologize. Things have been tense recently... we are trapped together within the Flux - a painful string of contingencies mixed with coincidences, decisions, and arbitrary facts. It's frustrating.

So now we have to look somewhere for art.

Monday, February 12, 2001

Growl... the server's probably too busy from all the other scholarship applicants getting *their* advising reports to hand in with their applications that are about 27 times better than mine. Man would it be massively bad if I couldn't get this to work... Why oh why indeed did I not save this last time?
Okay, it's printing. And boy is it tiny and barely legible. And maybe they won't notice that my GPA is .12 points lower than what's even required to apply.
I'm never going to get this scholarship.

On a brighter note, I only have to endure 3 more hours of tutoring and because I'm skipping my class, I get to eat pizza and then ice cream. But then I have to get up tomorrow at the same time I did today...

Oh well... If my brain isn't numbed enough with mindless repetition, alcohol should be able to help.

Well, now I should be late for work.

Friday, February 09, 2001

Friday saves all. Wednesday was bad, Thursday was excruciating, and today was just funny. I took a midterm. By the end of the test I was a lot more optimistic than I was at the beginning, which is unusual. At the beginning, though, my expectation was to be able to answer maybe one of the 3 questions, if that one at all, but it turns out I was able to give probably half-right answers to all three. It was open book/open note/open handout. And I think I learned more taking this test than I have all quarter. That's probably bad. But it's Friday, so I don't frickin care. :)

Wednesday, February 07, 2001

I fixed that whole "being mad" thing I was grappling with on Monday. Decided that apathy is better, and meaning is a social construct anyhow. Meaning. Heh.

Monday, February 05, 2001

Life sucks and I'm mad.

Fucking Mondays, man.

Saturday, February 03, 2001

We've broken the Pernicious Friday Fighting Streak. If we can make it through the weekend, we'll be on our way.

It's Saturday, and I'm trying not to think about how I should be studying and doing productive things instead of wasting my life one right now after another. Last night we picked out the Pixies song "Here Comes Your Man" (which was hard) and INXS's "Beautiful Girl" (which was not, compared to the Pixies's song). We had fun. We made homemade Mac&Cheese and watched tv to pay attention to the commercials and count how many times they said the word "easy." Running count: 0. But we're going to try to watch sometime during the day during the week and see if that changes.

Going out to Park Plaza tonight. Should call.

Thursday, February 01, 2001

Hey, you: drop everything you're doing and go see You Can Count On Me. It's wonderful, for one thing, and I never saw any commercials for it, for another thing, so I'm giving it a plug. Go see it.
That is all.