Tuesday, October 31, 2000

Yeah yeah yeah, you all probably saw this on the Fresh Blogs list. Maybe you didn't go there, but I did, and I found the blog to be interesting and amusing even though the blogger and I seem to be dorks in completely different fields.

I had more to say... oh well...

Remind me sometime to explain to you exactly what having no attention span is like...

Quote of the day (slightly paraphrased): "So-and-so and I have a very committed relationship, except that he's married and I'm allowed to make out with girls."

Monday, October 30, 2000

Another hell of a weekend. It's a hell hell hell of a weekend compared to what my life was approx. a year ago, and a hell of a weekend compared to what it's been recently. We're bridging major gaps here, people, major gaps. Of course, he thinks it's bad (but not too terribly bad, not bad enough to end in loss), and I think it's good, with certain qualifiers, things that could use some work... We probably think exactly the same thing, just concentrate on different parts. And I'm seriously procrastinating... *sigh.* On to Linguistics.

Friday, October 27, 2000

La... the leaves are pleasantly crunchy today, on account of having been baked by the August sun that's plauging October this year. Yucky yucky weather.

Thursday, October 26, 2000

Worried about your rights? Although this article is really old, (9 May 00) it's worth having a look at. Do you think they notice that such a bill is in direct conflict with that First Amendment thing we wrote a long time ago? Well, I still support the first amendment, and I'm finding, strangely, that I also support the right of anybody who wants to destroy his brain to do just that. Maybe if we legalized drugs, that whole population problem everyone's talking about would also go away... Or, maybe in not the quite best-case scenario, this country would become just about like other countries where such drugs aren't criminalized and however much money being spent on the "drug war" in this country could suddenly be diverted into inner-city schools. I dunno.

Wednesday, October 25, 2000

Egads! My site looks incredibly girly. For some reason, my monitor at home doesn't show the purple background, and I was trying to get it to do so by screwing around with the font colors in the template... guess I left it looking pretty funky for those who can see the actual colors. Yikes. My apologies... it's going to have to look like this until I get home tonight. I can't remember the site url that has all the color codes.
Hello hello hello! Some guy on the street complimented me on my pants (I've had this great pair of jeans that has died about 12 times, but has been resurrected each time with a new navy or white patch, both of which have a little purple flower print on them) and that pretty much made my day. The guy was in full gangsta-cowboy fashion, and his doberman was wearing this neat getup made of black leather and metal spikes.
I'm trying on different things today... my bookbag has a Nader button on it, I'm going to wear one of my grandfather's light jackets when I leave again, and I've been carrying my camera around taking pics of random stuff. I'm not sure who I'm going to vote for, but displaying the button to elicit questions about it. And, admittedly, a bit to give the libretarian who's coming to speak to the club tonight a little hell.
Off to work. Blegh.

Sunday, October 22, 2000

"Tomas came to this conclusion: Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman)."
~Milan Kundera, in The Unbearable Lightness of Being

(That's how I know you love me, idiot.)

*

I've accomplished nothing this weekend. *Nothing*. Nothing that was important, anyhow. Saw the fam, which was good, but also gives a definite peek into the chaos that winter break is going to be. It's like planets lining up in the universe, only it's alliances instead of big balls of matter. And they might actually be crashing into each other, not just overshadowing each other. Compromise and understanding - compromise and understanding - compromise and understanding...
Sweet, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!!!

Thursday, October 19, 2000

Aiee... hope nobody was trying to call.
If you're planning on taking a picture at the same time every day of whatever you happening to be looking at at the moment, be sure that you won't be sad if you realize how mundane and fundamentally meaningless your life actually is.

Whee, this Tricky song has a sound in it that keeps repeating that sounds like my computer disconnecting from the internet. It's rather jolting.

e-mail me. Come on, it'll be fun.

Tuesday, October 17, 2000

According to my calculations, it's going to take me another 30 years and one quarter to graduate. *sigh.* No, actually it isn't too bad... Thinking about all of it at once kind of hurts, though. I'm over halfway finished with both English and Philosophy, and close to halfway with Linguistics. Have 3 science courses to go, and it looks like I'll be a senior by next quarter. Don't know why I'm in a hurry for that. It has no bearing on graduation.

Vitals: On shuffle: Tricky "Maxinquaye," Matchbox 20 "Mad Season," and Nick Drake "Pink Moon." Desk: clean. Lighting: clippy lamp clinging to desk. Glass of diet dr. pepper: empty. Result of: temporary boyfriend-imposed ban from presence. Mood: trying-to-pretend-I-don't-care-but-am-fooling-nobody-who-would-actually-care-what-my-mood-is.

I've taken two 7:30 pics so far. Started on Sunday, so I haven't missed one yet. It'd be really nice if I actually didn't miss one, but I'm not holding my breath.

I had a dream last night about this girl I went to high school with, but didn't talk to but one or two times, probably. I was at a wedding (someone else's) and someone called me into this little room on the side. I went in, and saw the guy who played Miles Silverman on Murphy Brown. I asked him where Gwen was, and he pointed to a door on the other side of the room. I went in, and it was like the back room of a doctor's office. She was sitting in a wheelchair looking out the window and crying. I talked to her, and she explained all about her sickness and that she was going to die. I patted her shoulder, and hugged her and stuff, and was proud that I was able to comfort her a little even though I couldn't keep her from dying. ... Weird.

Thursday, October 12, 2000

Bitte! Bitte, Manni!!! That's right - I watched Run Lola, Run recently and now all my thoughts are getting German-i-fied because I think it sounds cool. Oh, how impressionable I am. If you haven't seen Run Lola, Run, you should see it. Right now. It's so much better than me blog, so go watch that. Get the version with subtitles if you're not cool enough to speak German, as I am not, but beware of German-i-fying everything.

In a completely unrelated tangent, I've randomly set my watch for 7:30pm. (Because I couldn't figure out how to turn off the alarm, and pm is better than 7:30am which is what it was set for.) It alarms every day at 7:30, and every day I've been somewhere different. Standing at the sink. Driving. Blogging. Dragging a television set around. It adds this weird momental dimension of self-awareness to your life when you do that, I've found. (Have your watch go off, not drag a television set around.) It's pretty cool. Makes the days seem to be flying past. Maybe I could be funky enough to pull off assigning one camera to 7:30pm pics every day. A disposable one, perhaps, so as not to commit a real camera to such a restrictive project. Yeah! Whee! Hum... what should I take a picture of each day? Whatever I happen to be looking at? That would be fun and sufficiently dangerous if I happen to be driving. Decision made! Oh, how I love new projects...

Wednesday, October 11, 2000

Hello Newman world.

I'm listening to Mazzy Star. And I'm feelin it. Well, it plus a little bit of deep anger, helplessness, and frustration, and not just because we went to see _Waiting for Godot_ tonight. Because I'm in a relationship with someone who is a Feeler, as opposed to me, and someone I was terrible to and hurt very deeply. Not on purpose, and more than I think my actions warranted, and 6 frickin months ago. My Thinker side is locked away (at least in this One's presence), pounding at the cage walls, you know, dragging silverware along the bars, yelling things about voluntarily wallowing in misunderstood misery and the like; not letting things go, perhaps, and being held hostage by emotions. It's really not pretty.

It's a big emotional gauntlet is what it is. And I just got clocked by Tears, the emo-gladiator who jumps out from behind memories and whacks you with that big stick of miscommunication. I'm laying on the padded ground, groaning. Every once in a while she comes by again and beats the living shit out of me. I could opt out of the gauntlet any second I wanted, but my alternative is to swim forever in the big vat of pain, loneliness, and misery. Any relationship after this one would reek of unfulfilledness and falling short-ness.

And an hour's perspective reassures me that laying on the ground groaning is exponentially better than anything else. Amazing how that works.

Friday, October 06, 2000

I and a group of people were talking to this guy at the philclub meeting. He was from a political party, setting up a time where he could come and talk to the group about why they should have a certain political ideology. He got there about halfway through the meeting and participated a little in the conversation. Anyhow, we have to divvy up all the leftover snacks (snee-acks, as the president says. she's from cleveland) between the leftover people. I offered this guy a bag of pretzels, and he said, "I'm sorry, I'm one of those freaks who doesn't eat processed foods." It wasn't so much what he said as how he said it and what it implied that bothered me.
It implied that I'm another stupid herd member who looks at people who don't eat processed foods as "freaks." Like I honestly care enough about what this guy eats to label his consumption behavior as freakish. I felt like saying: oh, you probably, like, listen to music they don't play on the radio and, like, wear clothes that aren't from Ambercrombie and stuff, right? The contempt he exhibited toward me for offering him a damn bag of pretzels was very strange.

I dated this guy JB for a couple years in high school who was a couple years older than me. His little brother was about a week younger than me, and we hung out sometimes while JB was away at college. I remember once asking him who the band was on a tape we were listening to, and he sort of sneered and told me it was Mazzy Star. He said something about how Mazzy Star was too "out there" or "improper" (read: too cool) for me. I wonder why I haven't forgotten that.

I hung out with this guy a lot last year who was 22, at the time 3 years older than me. Lots of what he said focused on how much older than me he was. How much more experience those 3 years gave him, how much more he knew, yada yada. He referred to me as a "youngster." He was really conscious of the age difference. (As far as I was concerned, age difference doesn't matter once you're past 9th grade.)

The guy I'm with now makes things really accessible like many before him haven't. He knows so much stuff, and always has a relevant fact he'd heard somewhere to add. He made me a tape yesterday with one whole side of Mazzy Star. He's almost exactly 7.5 years older than I am. Instead of reveling in what he knows/is familiar with that I don't, he just seeks to share it with me, to let me know about it. It's not a power thing, and it's not a status thing, and it's *really* nice. As for the guy and the pretzels, I thought that fit in to this whole theme of looking down at people for information they're not privvy (2 v's?) to, or lifestyles that people just assume other people don't have. I guess I'm just a dirty processed-food-eater.

Wednesday, October 04, 2000

Aieee. I've been phone-stalking this guy who I'm hoping will let me study his speech (his native lang. is Korean) over the course of the quarter, but haven't gotten in touch with him. Damn it damn it damn it. He's usually really enthusiatic - my One always tutors him in writing, and they get along really well. But damn it, he doesn't answer his phone. This could potentially be bad...

Well, off to a phil club meeting. The fun just doesn't end.

Monday, October 02, 2000

I haven't had such a laid-back weekend since before I could talk, probably. Got my homework up to speed, but that's about it. And that took about an hour and a half. Rather pathetic indeed. I've turned to outside reading for brain stimulation. Now I'm learning all about the Net Generation. If you are between the ages of 3 and 22, you're a member of the Net Generation. Fun fun fun. I personally like the name "Nintendo Generation" better, but oh well.